she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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