you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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