I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
