would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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