never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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