my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize