She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
