morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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