Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
