I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
