Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
