ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
