I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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