I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
