I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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