Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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