i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This toilet bowl is my home.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
