is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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