you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
