..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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