Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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