let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
