Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
