my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
