i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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