I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
