sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
