I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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