i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
