It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
