That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
