i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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