I want to make a zoo with you.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
