...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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