She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also, beer. Big fan.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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