I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
