Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
