I'm gonna have a badass scar
People in love make me want to vomit
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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