That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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