My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
