TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
