i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
