I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
