its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
