he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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