is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
