I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
