I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
