I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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