ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
