Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
