Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
