I cannot find my penis.
I could make wine with my vomit
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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