there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
