I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
