I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
