If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
