I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
