There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
