i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
