She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
