i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
