rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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