why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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