i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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