Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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