I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
